Some people are really negative all the time, while others seem to be able to find something good in anything life throws their way –  I am somewhere in between.  I am no longer young and naive – I have lived life and seen some pretty unpleasant things, and am smart enough to realize that no one is immune to bad things happening from time to time.  On the other hand, I do believe that it is possible, if you dig deeply enough, to find something good in even the things we consider bad.

     That being said, not all blog posts can be happy and uplifting.  It is great to share things in your life that make people smile, but that is just one part of reality.  Sometimes, you have a day, a week, or even longer, that just isn’t that great.  Those are the times that you find out who your real friends are – the ones who really care about you do not run away just because you’re not all bright and cheery.  Sure, we can all fake a smile if we need to, but why would anyone want you to pretend like that ?  Real life has ups and downs – that is just a fact.

     I have been feeling pretty burned out lately – tired and stressed.  I wish that people could work less ( but somehow still  be able to afford to pay the bills )  have more free time to relax, take care of themselves, and spend quality time doing things that they enjoy. ( and with the people they love ) It is far too easy to become negative in your outlook when you are sleep-deprived, and have too many worries on your mind.

     A couple of nights ago, I was sitting in a chair, and I started feeling a strange sensation near the top of my spine, which travelled up to the base of my neck, fairly quickly.  I gasped in pain, as it seemed to come out of nowhere.  My husband turned to look at me, wondering what was wrong.  I quickly told him my neck/upper back were seized up, and I could barely move.  I went to bed early that night, thinking I may have just pinched a nerve, and could “sleep it off “.

     ( I was wrong.  ) I woke up yesterday morning, and was in even more pain.  There was no way I could work, so I had to call and let them know.  This, of course, causes me more stress – feeling as though you are letting others down, making things harder for them etc. I knew I had to try and relax, and rest my body, but it was just one of those days where things weren’t meant to go so smoothly.  It was the annual day of window washing at our complex, so we had guys on ladders and on the roof all day, ( making noise, of course ) and we couldn’t open the windows, so no fresh air to breathe.  As I lay there trying to sleep, the doorbell rang.  My husband was out getting me some back pain medication, so by the time I was able to get up and go to the door, there was only a notice there, saying our gas had been turned off, due to a leak in a nearby home. It listed a number for us to call to get it lit again.  I guess that hot bath I was going to soak my back in would also have to wait. When my hubby returned, he put in the call, and it was late afternoon before we had our hot water restored ( after yet another doorbell ringing ).  So much for a quiet day of rest.  It almost seemed like a joke – but not a very funny one.

     I was determined that I would be all better this morning, but my body disagreed.  I woke up with my neck and back still stiff and sore, knowing full well that going back to work too soon would only make things worse.  Once again, I had to call in, and once again, it made me feel badly.  Why is it that many of us can’t just accept that sometimes our bodies are trying to give us big hints that we need to slow down, relax, and be good to ourselves ?  When we need rest most, we worry about anything and everything else, except ourselves, our own health and well-being. 

     On that note, I should get back into bed and try and heal this body of mine.  Today seems a little bit quieter, and if I’m lucky, maybe I can actually get some much-needed rest, and clear my mind of anything negative.

     I know I just wrote a blog post a couple of weeks back about a recent hike to Smuggler Cove up here on B.C’s beautiful Sunshine Coast, but we went there again last weekend, and saw some cool creatures.  The weather has been warm and sunny  here lately, and I just couldn’t help myself – the urge to wander into the forest and along those trails again was too strong to resist. ( besides, the housework can wait for a rainy day, right ? )

Smuggler Cove Sign

     The first thing I said to my husband as we started along the trail this time was ” I hope we see some snakes today ! “.  I have always liked snakes since I was a little girl.  When I lived in Chatham, Ontario, one of my public school buddies had a couple of big snakes – he told me they were Anacondas – and we’d often wrap one around my neck when we went to my house for lunch.  My Mom always made me take it right back to his house, for some reason. Anyway, my point is, I feel pretty comfortable around them, and find them to be both beautiful, and fascinating.

Garter Snake

Green Snake

Starfish Surrounded by Limpets

You can see the purple starfish, but you may not recognize the limpets surrounding it.  I don’t think I’ve ever really seen limpets before, and I had to ‘”Google ” them to find out more about them.   Here’s a closer look at some stuck between the rocks at low tide:

Limpets at Low Tide

This next guy got stuck up on the rocks when the tide went out:

Purple Starfish

     When I was a young girl taking piano and singing lessons, my teacher encouraged me to write songs, as well.  I had always written a lot of poems, short stories etc., and was fairly certain of my ability to string words together.  I have always been a very meticulous person in pretty much all I do, and writing is no exception.  ( thus, brevity is not my strong suit, as anyone who knows me well can tell you:)   I like to be extremely descriptive, and not leave out even the slightest detail.

     As a teenager, I wrote a lot of poems, most of which, admittedly, were about boys.   ( and mostly concerning unrequited love )  I found that by far, my best writing came about after some boy had broken my heart.  Probably the only thing I miss ( emotionally ) about being a teenager, is the ability to feel so deeply.  Everything seems so incredibly important, symbolic, life-altering, at that age.  When the one you adored left you, ( or showed no interest to begin with ) it seemed as though you could never possibly feel that way again, ever, in your entire life.  Ah, the drama – it’s nice to be able to look back on it now, smile, and shake my head…

     There is something to be said for taking raw emotions like sadness, hurt etc. and turning them into powerful lyrics.  Songwriters have obviously been doing it forever, which is why, to this day, a favourite ballad can tug at our heartstrings.  When I wrote as a teenager, the intention was purely therapeutic – it was my safe way of letting go of my sadness, and I definitely had a lot of that, which meant I wrote a lot.  I still have an old folder full of all my poems and stories, which I found when I moved almost 2 years ago.  I found it fascinating being able to read them, thereby “climbing” back into my own teenage brain, and feeling so many intense emotions .  It was kind of cool, actually.

     I have always been a pretty private person – I like my privacy, and respect that of others.  I don’t think I ever intended on letting anyone else read the things I had written – they were just for me, to try and deal with disappointment, and any other negative emotions I may have been feeling at the time.  I firmly believe that incredible things can happen if you have the ability to harness any negativity you may feel, turn it around, and redirect it into something positive, and powerful.  I would like to do that with some of my words from the past, and even some from the present. 

     Doing cover songs is always fun – you get to sing songs you know well, and love, but as an indie artist, a vast amount of time and expense is required to cut through all the red tape to get yourself heard that way.  My last single took us nearly a year to get on iTunes, and even then, we still couldn’t get on U.S, iTunes, due to licensing agreements specific to the songwriter.  In short, if you are not “famous” already, few care to give you a chance.

     Anyway, my point is that, although I wonder if anyone would really want to hear what I have to say, I am going to get back to writing some lyrics this Summer.  Worst case scenario – I work through some negative emotions … best case, I write about something real that someone else can relate to, and maybe even dance to.