When I was younger, if I’d had a bad day at work, I would usually feel sad.  Generally speaking, some miserable person probably dumped all their negativity on me, and left me feeling as though I were somehow responsible for their lousy life.  I would take it personally that they were grumpy, and complaining, as if I had done something wrong.  It used to drain me emotionally, making me feel as though I couldn’t take much more  of dealing with people, all their rudeness, inconsideration, and lack of manners.

     Of course, as a grown woman, I have developed the ability to see past the crusty exteriors of most people, and rather than feel like a victim of these mean people, I feel sorry for them.  I can’t imagine how empty their lives must be, that they feel the need to blame others for everything, speak condescendingly to people, and just be plain miserable.  It is no different than the bully on the school grounds – they really aren’t tough, and they’re certainly not “cool” – they are obviously unhappy, insecure people that only feel better about themselves by putting others down.  It is so childish, and very sad, since even supposed ” adults ” do it on a daily basis.  ( just ask anyone who has ever worked in customer service of any kind )

     I quit a job once, partially because I felt that I could no longer stand there and take the abuse that spewed forth from peoples’ mouths.   I have said it before, and I will say it again:  ” Customer Sevice : A License To Abuse “.  I fully understand that companies want to make their customers happy, but if it is at the expense of their employees’ well-being, then who would want to work for that kind of company?  Any employer who would allow a customer to verbally abuse an employee of theirs would certainly not be someone I would want to work for.

     I have gotten to the point where I can now take all the negative energy from the crabby, rotten people, and re-direct it into other emotions.  Mostly, it spurs me forward, forcing me to think of how I can find a way out, a way to make my life better some day, so I never again have to deal with ” serving ” rude people.  We all have bad days, we all have really lousy things going on in our lives – no one is immune to ” life”, and it’s ups and downs.  I just don’t believe anyone has the right to take it out on someone else.  Nobody has the right to purposely make another human being feel lousy – it’s just not right.

     As you can probably guess, I had a particularly rough day at work today – way more than my share of difficult people – and I was not happy when I went on my lunch break.  I felt those familiar feelings ( I HAVE to quit, I don’t deserve this garbage, I don’t get paid enough to have to put up with this much stress … and the list goes on and on… ) but now, reflecting on the day, it is clear to me: the worse things get, the more likely I am to actually do something about it.  Most of us tolerate our jobs because we feel the familiar trap: bills to pay, the feeling of no choices, others depending on us financially, whatever the case may be.

     I say, if we are truly unhappy, there has to be a way to turn it around – all the negativity. ( Let it be the ” kick in the butt ” we need to seriously pour all our time and energy into something that actually interests us, makes us happy, and ignites the passion within. )

     So, I say “Thankyou” to all the rotten, miserable people out there – the grumpier you are, the more likely it will be that some day, I will find the courage and the strength I need to believe that I deserve something better, and I may actually do something about it.

     I am told that you shouldn’t live in the past, that you need to let go, move on, whatever ….. but there is just something about the 80’s for me that I will never let go of.  Sure, there were bad things – shoulder pads, legwarmers, headbands etc., but there were a lot of very, very good things.

     One of the things I loved best about the 80’s was the music.  My friends and I started going to a teen club when we were about 16 – it was called ” Bumpers “, and it was in Surrey.  That was where I fell in love with Erasure, Depeche Mode, Bronski Beat, Eurythmics, Howard Jones, Naked Eyes,  Talk Talk, Modern English, Billy Idol, David Bowie, Duran Duran , Kate Bush, Simple Minds, Strange Advance, Ultravox …. and the list goes on and on.  Yes, we all felt the lyrics were written for us personally, but the music itself was also amazing – back then, songwriters were brilliant, and songs didn’t all sound the same.

Never Boring

1st Time I Shaved My Head

Hair Modelling Shot

     One of my favourite movies as a little girl was 1959’s ” Gidget “, starring Sandra Dee ( as the title character ) and James Darren as ” Moondoggie “.  I always liked how the sweet, well-mannered, wholesome Gidget ended up with the dreamy, handsome Moondoggie.  ( it gave us girls hope that our “old – fashioned ” upbringing may pay off one day )

Gidget Poster

     I had a huge crush on James Darren from the first time I saw that movie until …well … I guess I still do. ( my husband thinks it is cute, by the way ) My biggest dream as a child was to meet ” Moondoggie ” one day.  Years went by, I saw James Darren in other movies and T.V. shows ( T.J. Hooker, Star Trek DS9, just to name a couple ) and I always held on to the crazy fantasy of one day meeting him face to face,  just to make the ” little girl ” in me happy.

James Darren

Oh, Moondoggie!

     I like to think of myself as a nice person.  I was brought up to be kind, patient, caring, understanding, and to treat others as I would like to be treated.  Therefore, I would never intentionally say or do anything that might hurt or offend another person.  Nothing good could come of that, so logically, why would I do it ?

     Since I am that type of person, I tend to surround myself with people of similar natures – gentle, thoughtful people that think before they speak, or do things.  Therefore, the word ” forgiveness ” has rarely come up in my life.  I have no desire to do things that would require others to forgive me, and I don’t want to hang out with people who would act in such a way that they would need forgiveness, from me, or anyone else.

     Obviously, we’ve all had bad experiences in life where people have hurt us – intentionally, or otherwise, and we have all felt the pain of a friend walking away ( for apparently no good reason ) or a love from the past breaking our heart – it’s all part of the human experience.  My take on things like that has always been pretty cut and dry: I ask myself if I did anything to be treated so badly, and if the answer is ” no “, then I just figure that it is the other person’s problem , not mine. You can’t make someone stay your friend, or keep loving you – they make their choice, so they must live with it.

     Yes, these things hurt, they make you wonder what happened, why people would do these things to you, but eventually, you resign yourself to the fact that they made the decision, and you’ll probably never see them again.  Life goes on … but that doesn’t mean you don’t still think about them , or care.  After all, you weren’t the one who walked away.

     Last year, an amazing thing happened to me – 2 good friends from the past ( one from Ontario, one from B.C. ) both contacted me out of the blue, and wanted to talk, after many years of ” nothing “. Of course, I was a little hesitant at first, after having spent years not knowing what happened, never getting an explanation, and just plain missing their friendships in my life. 

     I received heartfelt apologies from both ladies, and both expressed a strong wish to re-kindle the friendship.  I thought I would feel nothing.  I thought I would think it was ” too little, too late “.  I was wrong. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and filled with such joy that these women had finally decided it was time to talk about it, and try and make things right again.  Many years had passed, and they told me that they had missed me, as I had missed them.

     I accepted both apologies sincerely, and the instant I did, I felt so amazing.  It sounds really silly, but feelings I had dragged around for years ( negative ones ) vanished immediately.  I never thought it could be that easy, but it truly was.

     We were all young once – we made decisions based on emotions, rather than logic.  These things happened such a long time ago that I could not keep holding on to them , letting them continue to hurt me. Two wonderful women, once again my friends, made me realize not only that I could find it within myself to forgive, but that it was such an easy thing to do.  I am so grateful to have these ladies back in my life – I missed them so, and I love them dearly. ( you know who you are.  )

     When you truly forgive someone, you set yourself free.

     I still have a long way to go – a lot of people to forgive for a lot of things … but at least this was a step in the right direction, and it feels pretty good.

     I would like to start the New Year off by wishing all of you a very happy, healthy, and prosperous 2010 !  2009 was, by many accounts, a very difficult year for most of us, with the bad economy and all.  It has been a struggle just to get by, to try and keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. Many people had their hours cut back, or lost their jobs entirely. It was a tough year – full of struggles, dampened hopes, and many tears.

     Somehow, we made it through, and although we may be stronger for it, it still wasn’t pleasant.  I, for one, am glad to see the end of 2009, as it was definitely not one of the better years in my life, or for many people I know.

     I recently made a comment on Facebook about how I look forward to the ” feeling ” ( whether that be perceived or real ) of a ” clean slate ” when a new year approaches.  It really doesn’t matter if it is simply how we view it, or if it is real – what matters is what we do with it.  Personally, I think of it as having hope that things will improve, that we will be given a ” fresh start “, that we have another chance to make good choices – choices that will improve our lives, and hopefully, the lives of others.

     I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions per se, and broadcast them to anyone who will listen, but today, I have already written down a list of goals for myself for this year.  Telling people the things you are ” going to do ” is great, and it is a positive thing to actually speak the words and ” put it out there “, but the older I get, the more I realize I’d rather “do” than just “say”.  It is very easy to say things, but much harder to actually put in the time and effort, and make them happen.  The way I see it, I have my personal list, and as I accomplish items on that list, I will share them with family and friends.  I have nothing to prove to anyone – my list is simply for me, and the people that care about me will be happy when I put my hopes into action….

     I hope that all of you have hopes, dreams, or goals that you want to realize this year – things that you enjoy but have perhaps put off, things that you don’t feel are important enough, whatever the case may be.  If there is some thing you love to do, or would love to try ( and it isn’t hurting anyone else ) – why not let this be the year you actually do it, or try it?  I know I say this all the time, but life really is too short to only dream/wish/hope/imagine, and not DO something to make yourself happy.  It is very easy to blame others, or your financial situation, or your work environment, ( or any number of things ) or find reasons why you shouldn’t or ” can’t ” do things for yourself – believe me, I know – but ultimately, all excuses or fears aside, nobody else can make us happy.  All we have to do is love ourselves enough to make the things we hope for become our reality.  If you feel you can’t do it on your own, friends and family always have words of encouragement for you to follow your dreams, and that will get you through even the darkest of times.

     On that note, I would, once again, like to thank everyone who has supported me during this hard year – knowing you believe in me, and my music, gives me great strength.  Whether it be kind words of encouragement, compliments on things I have accomplished, buying my CD or downloading a song, or most importantly – being there with a hug when I need it most – your support has helped me enormously. Your continued faith in me is truly what keeps me going.

     All the best to you, and your families, for a fabulous 2010 !